VeUMAMBO : Is there someone you wish was still here? A sister, mother, father, cousin, husband, friend, colleague or a pet etc? Losing them is hard. Loss is:
By Perseverance Mafigu
1.the emotional suffering one goes through when someone you love is taken away.
2. Loss is the fact or process of losing someone. Yes, Loss is more of a heartbreak but in this case it’s a heartbreak that never heals. It is a constant pain that we have to live with for the rest of our lives. Whether we like it or not, we have to embrace it. Loss brings effects such as- numbness, continuous grief, confusion, loneliness, anger, resentment, loss in interest in things that used to bring pleasure.
I lost my mother about 15 yrs ago and I still grieve. She is a part of me that can never be erased. Till date, sometimes l lock myself in my room & cry my heart out. A part of me still is curious as to how my life would have turned out if she was still alive today. A part of me yearns for her motherly love. When l was at boarding school, visiting days were worse. Seeing other kids with their mothers made me feel terribly unlucky & lonely. I used to ask God why l had to be an orphan at an early age. Why me?
The hardest times was when l had to ask for money for pads from my Dad. Whenever l was mistreated the pain resurfaced. l want to reach out to someone. To those who have gone through the same pain. To those who are still mourning even years later. l want to tell someone that it’s normal to mourn someone all your life. The pain never goes away. I still do. Its healthy once in a while to remember it, re-live the memories through.
There are many ways but this is how l process my own pain
- Acknowledge your pain then give yourself time to grieve, time to process the healing. Sometimes l listen to my mum’s favorite song, Nanhasi munongondicheta by Shingisai Sulumani then cry & believe me afterwards l feel relieved
- Think positively always. Sometimes l talk alone. Yes, ndotaura ndega because somehow l still feel she is alive most probably next to me. It makes me feel better after l let it all out. I know it’s pure madness but it works and it’s been working for 15 yrs now.
- Focus on the good. My mum wanted me to be a successful lady one day. So whenever l feel like giving up l remember my mum’s beating it always scares me lol. But mostly l remember her wise words & l ask myself is there anything good in wat am doing? Would she be proud of me?
- l read & meditate upon the word of God. It is written. For everything there is a season, a time to mourn & a time to be happy. It gives me comfort in knowing God’s got it.
For everything happens for a reason right so l pray to God to show me the right path & the strength to overcome all obstacles. So Queens and Kings we all have different kinds of traumas. We deal with them differently. Finally, l wanna tell you all that everyone dies. But what can we do? Life moves on. Whether we like it or not we have to. Turn the pain into your superpower. Turn the pain into your motivation. See the good in the pain.
Its my superpower to strive & work hard and give my kids & myself the best life, mostly the life l wished to have but never did. To shower them with loads of love & happinesss whatever your loss is dont let the pain eat you up. Eat & drink. Listen to music, dance & sing along. Talk about it to a friend or someone u trust. Listen to others who have gone through it as well, it helps knowing you arent alone. But know that, this kind of pain is normal & it exist.